Predictors of Marital Satisfaction
Now we will cover a few areas that could indicate the success of a relationship.
Homogamy, when the word is broken down, represents homo=same and gamy=marriage. This means that the more similarities that two people have, the more likely they would be a good match, and the more likely they would be satisfied in a marriage (Lauer & Lauer, 2012).
The areas that people may be similar include:
- age
- ethnicity
- race
- education level
- religious beliefs
- interests
- humor
- attractiveness
- personality
- even negative traits like pessimism
- age
- ethnicity
- race
- educational level
- religious beliefs
- interests
- humor
- attractiveness
- personality
- even negative traits like pessimism
On the other end of the scale, heterogamy means that the more different you are from your partner, the less satisfying the marriage is likely to be. This is because there is an increased chance of misunderstandings and unsolvable problems. Yes, people have differences and may be more interested in someone who fills in some of our deficits, but the old saying that “opposites attract” is not that good if our goal is a long term and satisfying relationship.
As we look at the liabilities and assets of relationships, some overarching predictors of marital satisfaction come down to:
- how realistic your expectations are for a partner and relationship
- how similar you are to each other
- what your relationship quality is prior to marriage
- how equal you perceive your relationship to be
- your preparedness and timing of the relationship,
- your communication skills
Lauer and Lauer gathered a list of common assets and liabilities that face relationships (2012).
Liabilities
Life Context
- if you are young
- if you come from a broken or dysfunctional home background
- if your family disapproves
- if you have less education
Individually
- if you have a mental disorder the isn’t managed
- if you lack stress management and conflict management skills
- if your personality is hostile
As A Couple
- if you are dissimilar
- if you have had a short pre-marriage relationship
- if you have cohabited/lived together prior to marriage
- if you have poor communication and conflict resolution skills as a couple
Assets
Life Context
- if you come from an intact and nurturing home background
- if you are older when you marry
- if you have external support from family and friends
- if you have a obtained a higher education level
Individually
- if you are healthy physically and emotionally
- if you have interpersonal skills
- if you are flexible
As A Couple
- if you are similar to each other
- if you have had a longer pre-marital relationship,
- if you have good communication and problem-solving skills as a couple
Do these assets and liabilities help you to see any areas that you might want to develop or change?
We cannot possibly learn everything about a person before making a lifetime commitment to them and people change throughout relationships as each develops and grows. This gives us the opportunity to focus on what we do know about our partner and ourselves and take steps to strengthen the areas we are aware of. This strength will help us be prepared to work through difficulties and new issues as they come.
Unrealistic Expectations
Researcher Noel Maturlu (2025) examined more than a dozen studies and found 6 main myths about relationships (or unrealistic expectations).
You may notice as you learn these that the media (TV, movies, books) often feed us these faulty views of what true love and relationship building is.
As Maturlu noted,
...unrealistic and unspoken expectations in relationships are not random distortions but deeply contextualized constructs, rooted in cultural, social, and psychological systems. Each myth persists because it meets certain human longings—security, idealism, or hope —but these same myths can undermine resilience when left unchallenged (2025).
- Believing there is a perfect partner specifically designed and meant for you
- Romantic media perpetuates this myth
- What's True?
- It implies that there is only one chance for love, which is not a very hopeful outlook
- Partners inevitably fail to meet idealized expectations, which contributes to relationship instability and dissolution (Maturlu, 2025)
- This is a fairy tale narrative portraying perfect and destined love
- People expect love to happen to them, instead of being something they help to create together through commitment and hard work.
- What’s True?
- Being overly optimistic can make partners blind to relationship vulnerabilities like poor conflict management skills or lower early satisfaction that indicates problems to be resolved.
- It increases emotional distress and relationship dissatisfaction
- Maturlu (2025) quotes Barelds and Dijkstra, sharing that “realistic, positive expectations fostered satisfaction and commitment, while overly idealized beliefs undermined relationship quality.”
- “While hope and positivity are important, long-term marital stability depends on balanced expectations coupled with adaptive relational skills (Maturlu, 2025).”
- Assuming your partner should instinctively know your needs, desires, and emotions without you communicating with them.
- What’s True?
- This is a common belief in younger couples and marriages of 5 years or less
- It is a sign that the partners struggle to express their needs in a direct manner
- Leads to unmet emotional needs and resentment
- Expecting constant excitement and passion in the relationship
- What’s True?
- Beware of chick-flicks! Yes, they can be enjoyed but also be willing to see the fallacies in how they represent relationship creation, love, and maintenance
- Consuming romantic media for 10 or more hours a week increases belief in this myth
- Natural declines in passion happen after the initial relationship building and establishment stage
- Beware of chick-flicks! Yes, they can be enjoyed but also be willing to see the fallacies in how they represent relationship creation, love, and maintenance
- Believing that your partners undesirable behaviors will change, or that you can get them to change, after you get married
- What’s True?
- This leads to frequent frustration and can lead to betrayal and relationship breakdown due to lack of change or a partner's pressure on the other to change
- Believing that a healthy relationship would not have conflict so it must be a sign that you and your partner are incompatible
- What’s True?
- Leads to avoidance of addressing important relationship issues, lack of development of conflict-resolution skills, and suppressing disagreements
- Causes resentment, dissatisfaction, and emotional disconnection
These myths represent...
“pervasive misconceptions that shape marriage and intimate relationships. At the heart of these myths lies a persistent fantasy- the belief in a perfect partner and a perfect relationship, untouched by effort, time, or conflict (Maturlu, 2025).”
It is actually a wonderful thing to free yourself from myths and unrealistic expectations so that you can actively create a real and deep relationship that can last!
"True love is not about seamless compatibility or perpetual excitement. It is about showing up- again and again- with openness, humility, and the willingness to grow.”
“Reframe compatibility as a process of growth, rather than destiny.”
“No partner can meet all of another's needs.”
“Normalize communication as a strength and not a deficiency”
"Adversity is not a threat it is a catalyst."
“Compatibility is not found; it is forged through courageous conversations, shared rituals, and mutual adaptations over time.”